New bandages protect against alien germs
Do LeveCare's adhesives confirm the abduction phenomenon?
By George Gowan
ROSWELL – A new brand of adhesive bandages for alien abduction scares has quietly become available at several New Mexico drugstores.
Manufactured by local company LeveCare, the bandages come in assorted sizes, including “scoop mark,” “puzzling triangle” and “map of the Zeta Reticuli star system.”
Advertising for the bandages has been unusually low profile. “It's mostly door-to-door promotions by men in dark suits,” said one Roswell pharmacist, speaking on condition of anonymity.
LeveCare's package label asserts that the bandages remain sterile in the presence of 99.9 percent of exobacteria, as certified by NASA quarantine specialists.
The labeling also states that the plasters allow “easy cover-up for embarrassing wounds that can threaten marriages, job security and even your sanity.”
“Soft pads inside the bandage absorb cold sweats in the night,” the label copy continues.
LeveCare has also released a decorative variant of the bandages for children. On these plasters, images of barn owls, praying mantises and other large-eyed, round-headed animals trigger comforting screen memories, blocking out the trauma of alien abductions.
Though disclaimers included on the package state that the bandages are provided only for the wearer's entertainment, the sudden availability of the product seems an unusual public confirmation of the abduction phenomenon.
“It's right there in the slogan,” said the pharmacist, pointing to text printed directly on the bandages:
“The truth is under here.”